The Validation Trap

Are you always feeling the need to seek validation from others for you to know that you are walking in purpose? A lot of times, even if we do not know we are seeking validation from people around us or from others in general, I feel like subconsciously we find ourselves doing it.  The problem with that is you will end up being stressed out, burnt out, frustrated and soon you will end up packing up and giving up on your goals and visions and everything that you have set out to do.

The only one you should be seeking validation from is God, who is your maker. He has already validated you so there is no need for you to seek it from anywhere else, because most times what we do not realise is that not everybody is going to be on board with your vison, not everybody is going to cheer you on, or be happy you have taken that direction. 

Sometimes it won’t even be in a negative way. It might even seem reasonable. For instance, you tell someone you are leaving a well-paid job to do something else that you believe God is calling you to, the person might say “Hey, you are doing so well in that area, how can you even think of leaving?” And they could genuinely believe that where you are is better for you.  You can’t seek validation from people. God has already validated you, He has already set you out. He put a stamp on you before He sent you into this world. He has made you accomplish what you were set out to accomplish, He has designed you to perform to your maximum potential to get maximum results, therefore don’t seek validation from society. 

Now we fall into this validation trap a lot because of our society. We believe that if we are not getting likes or accolades from society or social media then we are not living in our purpose or fulfilling what God has called us to do. The thing is, there will be times in your walk that may seem like you are not fulfilling your purpose, or you are not producing results, but God is actually working with you and doing something in you. It’s just that, that thing that He is doing is still growing! You might still be pregnant and not in labour yet. If you dwell on what society is saying or what social media is saying, then you might give up and pack up before the birthing of what God is doing in you. 

Not everybody is on board with your vision. A lot of people are like spectators; they are watching, and they are waiting, they are waiting to see if you will complete what you have set out to complete. They are waiting to see if you are going to make it through. They are watching to see if you are going to fall, stumble, give up or even pack up. And most of them are actually not here to cheer you on. They are waiting for you to fail so that they can confirm the assumptions they had of you.  That is why it’s only God you seek validation from, He is the one that made you, He knows you more than you know yourself. If you fall, He will pick you up, He is the one that will give you the grace and the ability. He is the one that has your back!! 

I want to differentiate two things that can almost appear the same. So, there is validation and there is also feedback.  Feedback is necessary and also somewhat healthy because you need feedback to grow and improve processes, strategies, and to improve the way you do things. You need good feedback, and not the so called ‘good feedback’ you may call constructive criticisms, Godly corrections, so on and so forth. If you look at people’s responses to what you are doing as feedback and not validation, then you are set up for something. You are going to become better at what you are doing because those things are not going to get to you, they won’t hit you in your core, they are not going to cause you to be discouraged or fall off track. You won’t be questioning your purpose. You don’t need approval or validation from anyone except God who has in fact already approved and validated you for what He has called you to do. However, you need feedback to grow and to get better at what you are doing. 

Like I mentioned earlier on, not everyone is going to be on board with your God given vision, not everyone will like it or feel comfortable with what you have set out to do. So sometimes when you step into Gods purpose for your life, you will find that you will start losing friendships and people that probably used to be close to you. Some relationships will start fading. God will place people and birth new relationships that are needed to grow your vision and help you walk in your purpose and fulfil what He has called you to do. He will set people in your path that are going to help you grow. When you are evolving, when you are growing, when you are elevating, manifesting, and just becoming, there are certain things that will start changing in your life. Most times it’s your relationships, because some people won’t know how to relate to you anymore. For example, because you don’t speak the same language anymore or you don’t do the same things anymore, your thought process has changed. You have suddenly started seeing things differently, your priorities have changed, the things that you used to like together, you no longer like. The things that you used to do together no longer please you or interest you. So, it is ok to lose friendships or relationships, because there is a time where God is going to set you apart to prune you, to refine you and to grow you. Be focused and set your gaze on Jesus, set your eyes on Jesus. If you look at the distractions you will sink. Live intentionally and deliberately be intentional about your life because God is intentional about you. If you want change in your life you have to do things differently, right? We can’t keep doing the same things and expect different results.  

I hope you have been blessed, I pray that God will finish what He started in you and you will see His promises manifest in your life. Stay blessed! 

Lisa Maxwell